I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
