did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize