when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
