i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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