Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
His hands were made for my vagina.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize