I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
