Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
