The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
