she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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