guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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