Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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