why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
