Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
