the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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