Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
