I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
