carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
