It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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