what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
