new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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