honey bunches of taint.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
