Is it normal to miss your booty call?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
