Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
