well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
