Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just google imaged poop.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
