oh god the rape fog is back!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
