Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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