I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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