He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
