she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
