I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
