bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
