So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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