Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
