so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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