Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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