p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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