Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
is that a dick in a sweater?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
