you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
