The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
