mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
