How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
