I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
