Soap is not a condiment
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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