Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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