I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
