I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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