I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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