Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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