my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
