need another drink. this is the easiest way
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
