She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
