i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
