So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
