ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
