I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
