So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
