dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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