Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
