I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
