'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize