I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
