Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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