OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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