Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
