you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
